Christoffersons Plus Three

Life Goes On

2011-01-28T23:19:00.000-08:00

No blogs for a long time, we are pushing forward. Mostly, it is just life. School, homework, learning how to get along with siblings. Weddings, boyfriends, sleepovers, girl scout outings. Baby teeth coming out, diseased teeth pulled out. Cooking lessons, sewing lessons, gymnastics, therapy. English, English, English, ugh! Bodies changing, makeup, shoes, hair curling. I hate you, I love you, I want you to love me. Losing MP3 players, IPods, phones, pets dying. Getting a job, losing a job, interacting with the police. Church, youth group, KLOVE. Letters from Ukraine, phone calls to Ukraine, trips to the Ukrainian market.

Are we a family yet? Or just a small internot? Do our kids trust us yet? Or do they still feel the need to always be in control of the events surrounding them. In so many ways, they are doing better and better. Love, patience, consistency, listening, sympathy; they work their way through the small cracks in the armor our kids have had to build around themselves, and eventually the armor falls off. We are coming up to our 2-year gotcha date. What will things look like in two more years? Ages will be 12, 15, and 21. Once again, they grow old too fast. And we keep getting older and slower. And it is *so* worth it to watch these girls become women, people, adults.

Tempus Fugit

2010-06-08T20:42:00.000-07:00

Well, if one had to break a leg, it should be at the end of January. Let's face it, there isn't much to do all of February except long for spring and well, long for spring! I was blessed, if I can say that as much as anyone can be blessed when they break a leg. I had very little pain, a computer to pass the time and my dear mum made a special trip out for a couple of weeks to care for us. (Thanks Mom!)
Now, I'm almost 100%. A little swelling around the ankle (normal). Working on the thigh muscle that seemed to almost instantly sag after it noticed the broken fibula. I hope the last of the x-rays will be Monday and the doc will say I can start jumping and running again. (yeah, right.)
I was afraid to ask if the break was age related (I'm 51). He assured me that he has seen 23 year olds that have breaks just the same and they have bones made of marble. Not old yet, my friends.

And what of the girls? Even as I write, Tanya is on her promised visit to Ukraine. When we adopted her, we promised a trip to visit those she has left behind once she turned 18 and could travel without a caperone. She is having a great time, though she asked me to call her every day. She will come home on Monday.
Sophie has continued to struggle but we see so much of her character popping through. She has a hard time completely letting go of control. Darn if those adults in her life have been so unpredictable, getting thrown in jail and dieing and not being attentive to her needs. After almost 16 months here, we have shown her a different side of care-taking adults. She is slowly learning to control some of her anger that gets her in trouble. We have a sweet child that will someday be glad to be our daughter. We are seeing that Sophie more and more. Baby steps.
Last weekend she asked me why we adopted. I told her, "Because Jesus said to help the widows and orphans in their distress." I said, "Not only that but every child should have a family to help them, encourage them, be with them in sadness and happiness and celebration. Everyone needs a family." I was glad she asked.
She has a good head on her shoulders. She could go far.

Anna. This is the grateful one. She gets it like you want every orphaned kid you adopt to get it. She is so happy to have a mom and dad and live here. She doesn't often need correction and when she does, she is remorseful. She is finally gaining some weight. She doesn't look like she has been sitting under the table begging for scraps. She is still one of the smallest kids in her class and is distressed about that. (Not something I'm sympathetic about. I was always the tallest kid in the class until I was 13. Haven't grown much since.) She has improved in almost all subjects in school. The teachers say she is bright. I believe it though she sometimes likes to play dumb just for laughs. I'm home-summer-schooling her this summer in hopes to catch her up for fall.
Rolan is also behaving himself.
The kitties? Well, you know. . .

Laying in Bed

2010-02-09T20:16:00.000-08:00

On January 30, Eileen managed to break her leg. Not just a simple break, either. The orthopedic surgeon must have looked at the X-rays, and decided that surgery needed to be done right away. So Eileen went in that Saturday night for a two hour surgery. She got a nice titanium rod, right down the middle of the bone, and some screws on the sides. She was in almost no pain for the first 24 hours, but that changed. She now must stay in bed, mostly on her back, "hopped up on goofballs," as they say in MST3K. I'll try to get her to post soon.

A New Year and Everything In Between

2010-01-07T06:53:00.000-08:00

My goodness, I had no idea it had been so long since I wrote last! If there is anyone out there who feels abandoned, I do beg your pardon. End of November and all of December got to be a whirlwind of activity. I'm sure you must experience at least a piece of that yourself, if not totally empathize.

Thanksgiving was a kick. With all the food preparation, Tanya got the cooking bug and wanted to add to the chaos. I was okay with that but was concerned about not having enough fridge space! We almost ended up with a sign-up sheet for kitchen time.

I was informed, at one point, that there are turkeys in Ukraine but people don't eat them.

The emergence of the Great Bird (22lbs) from the oven brought super-star reception! Flashes of cameras and ohs and ahs. The next day we decorated the house for Christmas. It's kinda nice to have help. The guys weren't into that so much. Finished in record time.

What is it like when you have kids who are new to America, celebrating an American Christmas for the first time? A great deal of highs and lows. Neighborhood parties, shopping, wrapping packages, the tree, oh my. We got our tree early. The girls really wanted one packed with branches. I tried to explain that we have a bazillion ornaments and we have to have some room to get them all on. We ended up with a compromise. A lush tree and mom with her pruners. I got to practice tree trimming, literally!

The Tuesday after Thanksgiving, Rolan was offered a job with a new start-up company. Just in time. He was going to comute to Denver for a down-town job at a greatly reduced salary and only for a couple of months contract at that. The new job is only 10 minutes from home,stuff he knows and at the salary he was used to making (and need to help raise the girls). Thank you Jesus.

Tried my hand at a couple of Holiday Craft Fairs with my creative crocheted hats, scarves and other goods. I only did okay breaking even. Not sure about doing this next year. I'll have to see how badly I need to express myself. It was great doing it with friends of Josh and wife Sarah. That was my favorite part.

It was a delightfully snowy month. December snows make me cry with joy. Rolan set up most of the outside lights only to be stopped by snow on roof and ground. He put lights on the back tree. We haven't seen the cord leading from house to tree since.

On the way to a rehearsal for Sophia's school dance recital mid month, I hit a deer. Traffic, snow on the road, going downhill, I didn't get to do anything to try and minimize the impact. I cried all the way to her school. Surely, I killed the thing. Front passenger headlights and signal lights gone. Front fender is crumpled but we can still get the door open. Hood, just the tiniest bit damaged. On the verge of the holiday, Ransom's graduation, relatives coming in, etc, my car is out of commission. Wahhhhhh. Does God still love me? I have no idea if the engine is okay. It doesn't matter. The car is unsafe to drive. We still have the mustang. My hardy Swedish husband can handle it! There were a couple of days, when he stood in the foyer upon returning home from work, and just shivered.

Ransom's graduation was wonderful with my mom and dad coming out. I worried about the crowd in the mustang but Rolan took blankets. Macky Auditorium was full and warm and bright. I got a cake with a shoe (Ransom's request) walking toward a dollar sign at the end of a frosting path. He is working half time at LASP just a few blocks from his apartment and still working for Campus Ambassadors. Busy but not too busy to plan for a . . . .

Wedding!!! A few days before Christmas he proposed to Jessica Foster and she accepted. I'm ever so thankful that they aren't planning to get married next month! Maybe November, they say.

Anna turned 9 on the 20th. Christmas. On the 4th of Jan, Tanya turned 18. Rolan and I toasted to another child successfully reaching adulthood. Whew! We joked about our long painful journey to this point (10 months).

I retired from the catering guys so I can concentrate on all the kid stuff that still needs to be done. Way behind in paperwork, immunizations, and as you can see, this blog.

Here's to a productive, peaceful, calm, slow paced, New Year.

Did I say calm?

Halloween Drama

2009-11-04T18:51:00.000-08:00

The bride, the movie star, the witch and the haul!
It was coming. That fever and cold thing that was going around. Rolan got it on Thursday, I got in on Friday, and I knew the kids were next.
Halloween is the Disneyland of holidays. The way the girls were anticipating it, you would think it was the second coming. Anna had not one but two Halloween costumes ready to go.

The morning of, Sophia dressed up and knocked on the door just for practice (at 7:30am). It was going to be a long day.

At 1pm, Anna started to get drowsy. Sure enough, she had a fever. I never thought I would pray that someone could go trick or treating! We gave her some medicine and put her to bed. A few hours later she still had a low grade fever but there would be certain death if she were not allowed to go trick or treating with the rest of the American children.

She survived. I manned the home front and Rolan took them out. He said, when they came back from a house, they would run screaming as if they had found a vein of gold.

Later, Anna reveled in her haul, "I've never had so much candy!"

American Scary

2009-10-28T16:56:00.001-07:00

At the local pumpkin patch. You never know who you will meet.

This is the House That Josh Bought -Sarah Too

2009-10-27T14:12:00.000-07:00

In a desperate attempt to get in on the great Obama tax deal, our young heroes purchased their first home. They moved in on the 17th. It could use a gutting of kitchen and bathroom but everything is strong and in working order (like the roof, walls and floors!). Okay, it could use a little more curb appeal but guess who gets to be in charge of that? Ha! My mouth is watering, my chainsaw warming up, and the landscape plan possibilities abound.
I just have to avoid plants and flowers Sarah is allergic to.
I also need to find the time.
And the weather needs to co-operate.

FRUA picnic in Colorado Springs

2009-09-20T20:56:00.001-07:00

Good to meet the adoptive community is Southern Colorado.
Took some pictures. Been a long time since I added pictures.

Why I Love America, by Sophia Christofferson

2009-09-15T16:57:00.000-07:00

"America is not as hot as Ukraine. My family not hit me every day like in Ukraine. I like the supermarkets, they are bigger than in Ukraine. I like my house, because I don't have a house in Ukraine. I don't have a computer in Ukraine. It is beautiful outside in America. I like America because we never in Ukraine go to camp, and not go swimming and I never saw before fire trucks. I like America because the school helps me learn English. In Ukraine we learned a little English be we cannot understand, but in America I learn a lot. I like America because in Ukraine I never had good house, but slept outside. I like America because all my sisters are close to me. In Ukraine I was never very clean, but in America I can take a shower. I like America because there are no boys hitting me. I like America because the teachers never take money away from me."

What not to do

2009-09-06T21:02:00.001-07:00

Ann learned a lesson this week. Don't wear a T-shirt to school, if the T-shirt has the name of the rival high school. Within an hour, she called: "Please bring another T-shirt, right now!"

What's up?

2009-09-01T07:57:00.001-07:00

Summer is over?? Rats.

In June, we had a vacation in a beautiful home on Lake Elmandor in California.
The girls lived in their swimming suits for a week.

In July, the two little girls lost 3 teeth in as many days. Sophia had a loose tooth, and worked very hard to take it out, but the tooth refused. She was in tears, partly because it now hurt. Before putting them to bed, I gave them a small glass of warm milk. Sophia looked at me, and said, "I swallowed it." Sigh. The next day, she found another loose tooth, and worked that one out. Two nights, the tooth fairy visited her pillow. Then, I was driving Sophia and Anna from the swimming pool. Sophia had gotten Fritos, and the girls were eating them, when Anna said, "I broke a tooth." Knowing how rotten some of her teeth are, I believed it. She leaned out the window so she could spit blood. Finally, she gave me the tooth, and it was obvious a baby tooth had come out. It did have a hole in the top.

Then there was Josh's wedding. Eileen's brothers and her mom came out. For many, this was their first time to our house. The groomsmen got to wear tuxes, and the weather was hot. Sarah had a beautiful dress.

And then came August. Rolan lost his job. We had to get vaccinations for the girls. Sophia caught a cold or bronchial infection that has lasted into September. School started. We have visited all three schools due to problems of one sort or another. Eileen has started working at temp jobs, doing cooking and food delivery, but is not sure that working is the right thing. Rolan had a birthday, too. I can now play a card for every year of my age.

And now the whining. We sure thought we were doing God's will when we set out on this adoption trip. We tried to believe that God owns the cattle on a thousand hills, and He would take care of us if we took a chance and went to get these girls, even though the economy was not good. After all, what is faith without action? And now we have medical and dental bills and no income. The stress level is high, there are tears and anger and frustration. Did we bring the girls from poverty in Ukraine, just to show them poverty in America?

We have been through hard times in the past, so hard that we cried out and said, "Enough! I can't take any more!" And now here we are again. Here is how I am feeling: #%!^*#@. No, that's not a regular expression (programming term). That's confusion and anger and fear and exhaustion. The only hope I have now is that I came out of those other times, and maybe I can make it through this one.

This week is Sophia's birthday. She wants to take "pupcakes" to school. :)

Rolan

Brief Update

2009-08-04T09:13:00.000-07:00

[Rolan]
Things are going well, a lot is happening. All the kids want to be on the computer, and it's hard to make time to update the blog.

That just changed. I get let go from work.

The roller coaster ride continues. *sigh*

Just About Three Months

2009-06-02T17:57:00.000-07:00

I'm pooped today. Do I say that every day? Naw.
Life is settling down slowly. When you take two steps forward and one step back, you eventually get somewhere, be it ever soooooo slowly. No longer hyper-vigilant wondering if my new children are thieves, liars, bullies, homicidal maniacs of some sort. Getting to know people a little better makes them easier to live with.
I thought we would never get through May. School getting out and the anniversary of the girls' mom's death. Birthdays and injuries and tooth work. I'm not kidding, I panicked, realizing I would only have a few more days to get the things done that I wouldn't get done with the girls home, so I scheduled dentist, doc, eye exams all in one week. Then I got mad at myself because the days were so beautiful and I should be spending them outside in the garden. It made for one grouchy mama.
Now June is here and the days are getting hot and really, the optimal time to plant is gone. Sit back and enjoy the kids! Okay, its raining. Something has gone terribly askew with the weather. I don't remember when I've seen Colorado so wet. Or GREEN! The two younger girls have started half day summer school. The school bus picks them up (it still makes me cry), and someone even feeds them a light breakfast and lunch, and then the school bus brings them home. No muss, no fuss. I hope they are learning something and not just eating. Hmmmm. Wondering if this program is out of compassion to find a way to feed starving ESL students in the summer. There are many stereotypes surrounding ESL students, I'm finding.

Some *&$!@ counselor down at Tanya's school (yeah, those guys) told me she finished High School and therefore has no more rights to public education. I made the mistake of submitting Tanya's General Education Certificate which she received at 15 years of age in Ukraine. I really just wanted to find out what she needs to get an American high school diploma. After an embarrassing meltdown in front of my family, I decided that we needed to hire an attorney. Not an easy decision for me who believes in using lawyers for only the most dire of circumstances. Yes, I knew that someday I can tell Tanya she means that much to us. I prayed. Even as I was praying, the lawyer called me back. In less than a week, it has all turned out as we hoped and the district called yesterday re-enstating Tanya's rights to summer school and High School in the fall. The lawyer did minimal work and will not charge us! Don't know where this will lead in the coming year but I so very much want Tanya to have choices for her future.

We deal with issues that are sometimes new and sometimes revisits of stuff we have seen before and thought we took care of. This is common. All in all the girls are progressing well. There are a few things that concern us but we have found a great Russian speaking therapist in Denver that has been helpful. We may end up putting Sophia in a private school in the fall because she has some behavior issues we are concerned about but she seems to be there academically. Fortunately, we have all summer to think about it.

Hope to post some photos soon!

Not Over-protecting

2009-05-11T11:21:00.000-07:00

They say that if you never take your kids to the hospital, you are over-protecting them.

Saturday, Eileen and I worked many long hours trying to cover up our dirt and clay with flagstones. We had a nice size patio before the construction started. We took pictures of the stones before we moved them out of the way, so when construction was done, we would be able to put them back together. The pictures helped a lot. We should also have numbered or lettered each stone. Guessing is fun, but time consuming.

Sunday, my muscles were achy. We had a picnic planned for Mother's day, but the weather did not cooperate. So I took Sophia and Anna swimming. I was going to spend a long time in the hot tub, relaxing the sore muscles. After 10 minutes in the tub, Anna wanted me to come slide down the slide with her. OK, I'll come back to the hot tub later. We got to the child's pool, and were then told by one of the life guards that everyone had to get out of the pool. OK, not sure what was going on, but I can follow directions. Anna and I waited near the locker rooms. Where was Sophia? Anna, go check the ladies locker room. No, not there. I wandered out to the pool area and asked a life guard, "Did someone get hurt?" "Yes." "Was it a 10 year old girl?" "Yes." Sigh.

I found Sophia strapped to a board with her head immobilized. Supposedly, she had tried a back flip from the diving board. The life guards thought they saw her hit her head on the diving board. They did not want to take any chances. After I got our gear together, Anna and I changed into clothes, and we followed the ambulance to the hospital.

Of course, Sophia was scared. She did not want doctors poking on her. And her leg hurt. A doctor came in, checked her neck, and declared it to be ok. The neck brace could come off. After a long wait, we were wheeled down to the CAT scan room for pictures. Not too scary, and a warm blanket to boot. Back down to the trauma room, for another long wait. This time, the X-ray technician came in and took pictures of the leg. Another long wait. A nurse wheeled in a cart for doing sutures. Another long wait. Sophia was ready to go home. So was Anna. Anna reached under the little stool that can raise or lower, and got grease all over her hand. We walked down to the bathroom and got the grease off. And of course, the doctor who wanted to do the sutures came in while we were out. When Anna and I got back, we had to wait some more.

Sophia was now quite scared. She did NOT want stitches. She saw this in Ukraine, or had it done, and was certain it was going to hurt like blazes. Her leg had had a topical anesthetic applied, and was changing colors nicely. I don't remember which came first, the local anesthetic or the washing. The local hurt a little, but I don't think it hurt as much as Sophia thought it would. The nurse who came to do the washing brought a huge syringe to squirt saline in the wound, and Sophia almost had a cow. She had to be shown that there was no needle on this thing. She had to be shown that it squirted water, by making the bed wet. OK, now she could accept the washing.

Finally, the doctor came back in. Sophia saw the used hypo in his shirt pocket, and started panicking. The doctor pitched hypo onto a counter, which helped calm her down. Then he took out the needle and sutures, and again the fear reached great heights. With the help of other nurses, they held her leg still, blocked her view, and got the first stitch in. With that, all fear was gone. Hey! That didnt' hurt!. Now she wanted to watch the next stitch go in. I think she would have done it herself if the doctors would let her.

Two stitches done, all bandged up, ready to go... except for the final papers. So we waited another long while. I think the whole process took more than three hours. Now the girls have seen an American hospital (this is twice for Sophia). Maybe next time won't be as scary.

Rolan

Enough About Me

2009-05-05T08:17:00.000-07:00

Thank you for that little diversion, Dear Readers. (Read below)

The kids are doing great. I still get tears in my eyes when the school bus pulls up to take or deliver Sophia and Anna. Hey, I know I'm not alone. You know who you are. Admit it. School buses do the same to you.

I'm getting used to the differences between boys and girls. My guys were never interested in "The Suite Life of Cody and Zach," or "The Princess Diaries" or "Strawberry Shortcake." But they also never covered an ordinary rock with glitter or sat with a lap full of dandelions and wove crowns of flowers (I've always wanted to know how to do that!). I never had to scold them for clothing that didn't cover properly or tell them they can't wear lip gloss for eye shadow. But its nice not to have constant discussion about body functions, explosions and other forms of destruction. I love my boys and brothers, don't get me wrong. I just find this change in environment . . . refreshing.

Ann (alias Tanya) has gotten her first report card. "A"s and "B"s. I'm proud. She was concerned about one N/C grade from a teacher that didn't finish her point count in time. This week she decided she wants to be a flight attendant. I'm thrilled. She has settled down and isn't quite so restless or blue. The phone calls to Ukraine have lessened. She has found some other teens that speak Russian and connected with some good Christians in the Russian community in Denver. She struggles with the shock of having spending money and sometimes I see temper tantrums over what we can't buy but I think (hope) she is catching on to the concept that any bankruptcy and God-fearing parent has to have a budget and can't give their children everything they want. I wish we could still get her out of her current High School but there are only a few days left so we are bearing with it. I've enrolled her in summer school and have heard great things about the teacher who teaches ESL at Boulder High, where Ann may go next fall. We are getting her High School papers from Ukraine transcribed to find out what her options are. If the school district accepts her Ukraine education then we can go from there, either putting her into a final year of high school here, just for fun and further English education, or move her on to the community college where she can learn skills that will help her with her future plans. We will give her that choice. Right now, she just wants to live with mom and dad forever and I take that as a good sign.

Sophia is hardly the same girl we hosted last summer. She struggles, still, to be as independent (and free of guidance) as possible but has learned our boundaries and those at school too. Her teacher is an angel and e-mails me constantly with joys and concerns. She loves Sophia and has solicited the help of the whole class to make Sophia comfortable. In the almost 10 weeks the kids have been home, she has changed more than I thought possible. That girl needed a family!

Anna still remains passive and reserved. I wonder who this girl is. She is happy but I think it will be awhile before her true heart comes out. She needs more one-on-one with us. In the mean time there is much love and guidance to give her the structure and safety she needs to open up when she is ready. I long to heal her too.

The first anniversary of bio mom's death is the 22nd. Ive been told to put her photo in a frame on a little table with some bread and meat and a little alcohol and a candle. There is also a liturgy to be read. I may need to call an orthodox minister to help make this comfortable for the girls. Does anyone know of other cultural practices I may have missed that would help?

So Much Time, So Little To Do

2009-05-05T07:51:00.000-07:00

Uh . . . wait. Reverse that.
For those of you who don't know me well, I have to tell you I am a Dirt Head. A Plant Nerd. A perennial, foam-at-the-mouth, pull-me-in-at-night gardener. The months of April and May are torture for me. I WANT TO BE IN THE GARDEN. When it snows or rains, as it does frequently here during those months, I stand and the window and whine incessantly. It's rather pathetic.

I knew of this malady when I adopted kids. I knew there are 10 other months of the year when I could be a somewhat acceptable, caring, attentive mother-type but I knew May would be difficult. "Self-discipline," I say to myself. It's over whelming. I've dished out for myself a huge yard of delectable blooming plants that all need attention. "Feed me! Trim me! Transplant me! Divide me!" They all shout as I walk by to my car for yet another child-related appointment. "Quiet!" I shout back. I know you will be unbearably beautiful if I stop and take care of you before next month but you will just have to wait your turn! Jesus, is there some special reward for this sort of self sacrifice?

English and Math

2009-04-27T21:23:00.001-07:00

What do you call those little breath mints that come in a clear box?
According to Anna, they are "tic-tocs".
What blooms in the Spring? Flowless.
What do you call a bathtub full of water? A drink.

My Russian must be just as bad. They laugh at me, but I am silently laughing at them, too.
They are learning English very quickly.
Most nights, when I put them to bed, I practice comprehension with them, though they don't know it.
"What color is our car?"
"How many quarters in a dollar?"
"Yes or no: you put food in your nose when you eat."

We have gone through Dr. Seuss so many times, they are already losing interest in them.
I need more books with many pictures and simple words. Spoken English is progressing nicely, reading and writing are much slower. Why must English be so hard. Even reading Dr. Seuss, so many words are not pronounced like they are spelled. There are so many exceptions for common words.

I found some software to help with multiplication. Check out TimezAttack.

Last night, I had a fire in the fireplace. At midnight, it was such a nice fire, casting light and dark on the ceiling. The girls were asleep. The house was quiet. I was at peace. Not since being in Ukraine have I been so at peace. Good things happen, bad things happen. We continue to learn about them, they continue to learn about us, and what a family could be. Still so much to learn. Good thing we have years to learn all that family stuff.

Easter

2009-04-17T06:54:00.000-07:00

All my children including my daughter-to-be! Sarah and Josh

Sank You

2009-04-15T16:31:00.000-07:00

No, it isn't short for "You sunk my battleship." It's short for "Thank you."
Short, of course, because its hard to say that "th" sound when you haven't been raised with it.
The girls are learning English at the expected turbo rate. Anna being less noticeable than the others because the others always speak for her. Get her apart from her sisters and she is just as capable of in depth lively conversation. Well, sort of.

I have to wean myself off of the little Russian I'm using to make them practice a little more. In a few weeks, we will request English only at home. Not because we want them to forget their native language but because there have been some harsh words spoken between siblings and we need to intervene. We are expecting the two younger to mostly forget their Russian but I'm hoping Tanya will be able to keep hers. Our relationship is ever-growing and she trusts my judgment more and more. I may be able to encourage her to actually build her Russian skills for employment.

Oh, by the way, Boulder High gave us the cold shoulder a couple of weeks ago. The next week, some big ugly gorilla at Tanya's current school, punched her in the arm. I oscillate between feeling helpless and angry enough to call the National Guard. I just can't believe caring parents keep their new-to-the states kids in schools like these. There must be another option. I know, I should pull her out and do home school but you have to understand this wonderful teen. Honestly, she is 90% social. If I were to keep her home, I would find a shriveled shell of a girl in the space of a week. Despite the opposition, she is much happier than she was even a month ago because she has "friends." I say "friends" because they don't speak much English and nether does she. I have no idea how they communicate.

Sometime within the next few weeks, I have to sit down with one of the people from the school district and find out what Tanya needs to get a High School diploma. She has a diploma from Ukraine but Ukrainians graduate at age 16. We will give it a lot of prayer then go and see if I can talk to someone who is knowledgeable and genuinely helpful (is this possible?!). Okay, sarcasm aside, I hope they can give me good the news that Tanya really needs only one year.

For those of you who think adopting an older teen is a pain in the neck, it is. But not because the teen is a pain in the neck, Tanya is delightful, but because the system isn't prepared for them.

"Family" and other funny words

2009-04-05T19:31:00.000-07:00

I keep having to reminding myself these are not foster children. There is no chance I will have to give them back. Unlike the other child visitors we have had living in our house, these girls are not going anywhere. There won't be some frenzied social worker popping in once a month to check on us and make sure I haven't sold the little darlings into hard labor or asking about the bruise on their arm. I am free to dream about the extra Christmas socks I need to make, the camping vacations this summer and of college educations no matter how unrequited those dreams may be. These girls are MINE, I tell you! And no one can take those dreams away. Now, I just have to believe it.

It is so good to see the language barrier being peeling away, day by day. Like a parent of a child learning to speak, it always delights me to hear they now know the seasons or kitchen implements or action verbs. We have been concentrating on learning our name, address and phone number in case of emergency. I found myself chanting our phone number to the beat of a rapper being played in the car as I drove Tanya to a friend's house nearby. Hey, it worked. Now she can't listen to that song without hearing our phone number. (I just hope she can remember the phone number without the song.) The spelling of the last name is another challenge, not easily mastered by any Christofferson. I'll give them more time with that one.

On the war front, I have met with the Principal of Boulder High School. Josh graduated from there. I know it to be a school that is academically excellent and very diverse culturally. Emphasis on the diversity. (I've also heard there are Russian speaking kids there.) Mind you, I didn't want to talk to the Principal, he was just kind of in the way while I was waiting to talk to someone else. They are never positive, those principals. The assistants are always more accommodating.
"I'm not running a babysitting service," says the Principal.
"I don't see why she can't come," says the Assistant Principal.
"There are only six weeks left," says the Principal.
"Sounds like she could use the connection," says the Assistant.

All that said, the assistant still has to talk to the grouch to get his final approval. I got on line after returning home. I found a name in the staff that I recognized. There was a particularly helpful counselor at Josh's middle school that is now a counselor at Boulder High. I shot her off an e-mail with our story. I should know by the end of the week if my efforts were in vain . . .

Us on the stairs

2009-03-29T20:02:00.000-07:00

Don't Mess With Mama (Bear)

2009-03-25T14:30:00.000-07:00

I like to think that I'm something of a quiet, gentle, people-pleasing sort of person. The kind of person who has more patience than most. One who counts carefully the cost of making trouble before making it. I try very hard not to use the "L" word (lawyer) flippantly. Honest!

I will put up with a great deal of abuse at the hands of the uncouth. But my friends, don't even think about messing with my kids. I will know. Some cosmic force in this otherwise unyielding universe has allowed mothers of all makes to have superhuman-I'm-going-to-permanently-maim-you-if-you-touch-my-kid focus and drive that overcomes me, like all healthy mothers. It's like the peripheral vision is lessened and destruction of the offensive object becomes the soul desire. I often yield.

I called the principal of the school last Friday and made my complaint known. My daughter, new to this grand country of ours is not given equal opportunity to learn in a system that is paid for in part by my (husband's) hard earned dollar! I would like (1) a student handbook in her language, (2) a translator for perhaps a week, to help her understand the culture and rules of the classroom and (3) a little more understanding of her situation by her teachers!

I checked school policy. The school district is obligated to provide a translator to parents to help them understand school policy, grades, and conferences. They are provided with a school handbook in their language to assist them in helping their child adjust. (I was given a handbook two weeks after my daughter began attending classes.)

The principal patiently heard my complaint. I thought I was exceedingly controlled under the circumstances. She promised she would call the district and see what could be done.

I received a call yesterday. She told me she voiced my complaint to the district, she was sorry they could not grant my request.
As my hero Bugs Bunny would say, "You know, this means war."
I asked for a name. She gave me one.
After the steam subsided from my ears and my face returned to its original God-created color, I called "Jorge." Once again, I forced myself to unheard of highs in personal control. My voice steady, I told him my problem and hopes to help my daughter who was being treated unkindly by a school district that I knew, had better standards.
He told me the principal of Ann's school had said I wanted a private tutor for her.
What?!
I said nothing of the sort. You can go back and read it for yourself. Its right up there in the second paragraph.

Now that odd remark implies a great deal. It could mean that the principal misunderstood me. That would be obvious. It could mean she was ashamed of her school and was trying to cover. Or it could mean she just wanted to blow me off. Or Jorge misunderstood her.
At any rate, Jorge was a dear. He was quiet and thoughtful for a time. Then he said, perhaps the school district could purchase a translator gadget (does anyone know of a good inexpensive one?), provide the handbook in her language and hire a translator (in person) for maybe part of a day.
"Lets keep in touch," he said. ""Are your other daughters doing well?"
"Yes, thank you."
The razor sharp claws involuntarily retracted.

Humph, we will see.

Routine?

2009-03-18T12:52:00.000-07:00

I don't think so. It still feels like fruit basket upset. 'Course its been only 2 1/2 weeks since we have been home . . .
Then Josh announced last weekend that he is getting married!!! OMG! We are so happy. We love Sarah and are looking forward to the wedding in July. I'll try and get a photo out soon. I had zero daughters in January, now I have 4!

The two younger girls are adjusting well to their classes with gentle and gracious teachers. Tanya (alias 'Ann') is having something akin to a nightmare amidst the "fairytale" she is experiencing here. She loves America and called it 'like a fairytale,' but her school is like a reformed school for thugs. They have made no effort to understand her incredible life change and are far more concerned with her minor rule infractions than with making her feel comfortable and encouraged. I haven't been asked about a way to communicate with her in her language (like google translation on line) but they become infuriated when she tries to call an interpreter for help. Ann has called home in tears on more than one occasion in frustration and she has only been there for two weeks! Even Anna and Sophia have not been treated this way and they have also been in error of not knowing and so breaking the rules. Have others found this to be true of other Newcomer schools? Hey, welcome to America. You must be completely uncultured, uneducated and a hardened criminal. Yes, I have some forgiving to do.

Needless to say, I'm aggressively looking into other options. Let me know if you are aware of any. So far I'm leaning heavily toward a private school.

Heading Toward Routine

2009-03-10T21:17:00.000-07:00

We have been back in Colorado for a whole week.
What have we been doing?

Going to school
Learning English quickly
Shopping at CostCo
Buying food at supermarkets
Swimming pools, twice!
Uncounted phone calls back to Slovyansk (What's the rate? Not too high, I hope. Vonage soon.)
Making friends with other adopted Ukrainian kids
Getting enrolled with insurance
Shopping at Kohls for 2+ hours
Trying on every shoe at Famous Footwear
Learning what it is like to be in a family
Bedtime rituals (I LOVE it!)
Reading Dr. Suess
Cooking meals

And again, the girls teach me about my relationship with God. We had a big session, trying to enforce a timeout. Why was it so hard? Because we are taking away control. This part is speculation, but I assume that in an internot, if you do not look out for yourself, you won't get the things you want. If your parents were alcoholics, then you had to always be thinking about the next meal, and how to help your parents. And if your parents were abusive, you had to always be aware of the emotional situation. So being in control is the difference between life and death. Sure, adults can be trusted to a point, but not very far. And now, these new adults are trying to make you do something you don't want to do. You don't understand this stupid senseless rule about sitting in one spot for an extended time, so you try to get control back. Hitting, kicking, pinching, biting, screaming, anything to keep control. And this is a lot like me and God. Sure, God is trustworthy, but only in things that don't matter too much. Try to put me through things I don't like or understand, and I will do anything to "keep" control.

I love my girls so much.

Stretching Time

2009-03-02T20:06:00.000-08:00

Last Thursday, when we were running from embassy to medical buildings to embassy, my faith was pushed to the limit. Beyond the limit. I had prayed earlier that week for Tanya's birth certificate to be done quickly. It did not happen. Instead of being able to get everything done in Donetsk in a day, we would have to find a hotel and continue the next day. On Thursday, we were running to the embassy, and I was sure we had to be there by 3:00 PM, and I was equally sure we could not do it. Things had been delayed enough that it looked like we would not complete our paper work that day, and so we would have to wait until Monday to finish a few small items.

I complained to God.

"This is too much. I no longer believe that you are capable of working in our favor. You have allowed enough delays that we will be further delayed. I'm sorry, God, but you, the God who likes to wait until the last minute, have waited too long for me. I wish I could trust you to get this done quickly, but you have not acted earlier this week when I asked, and I don't expect you to act now."

Of course, you know that we came home in record time.

So now I have another experience of a loving God who is trying to increase my faith in what he can do.

I think I did one thing right in this example. When the rich young ruler came to Jesus and asked what he needed to do, eventually Jesus told him to sell everything, give it to the poor, and follow Jesus. The ruler went away disappointed. That was the mistake. That was the mistake I avoided. I could have (not really) given up on trying to trust God. Just turned away with no intention of turning back. Instead, I wrestled with God. Like Abraham, over Sodom and Gomorrah. The rich young ruler should have argued with Jesus, or asked more questions, or anything else except turn away. I was able to tell God that he was asking more of me than I thought I could give. Maybe next time, I'll be able to believe that more is possible.